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"H, I won't let you steal my soul because you irresponsibly gambled yours away."

-J, 10:07am 8/24/14

"N, I told you, I'm going to pee on your head if you don't get up."

-R 7:07am, 8/25/14

"I definitely just ran into the screen door."

-A 8:05pm, 8/24/14

"Dad, I know your beard is beautiful, but it smells like cow poop."

-L

"We sssssssshhhhhhhould...let the animals go"

-E, 1:42pm 8/24/14

"So H, you're a pretty relentlessly positive person eh?"

-J 8:02am, 8/24/14

"Love puddle?!? I SAID LOVE BUBBLE!"

-H 7:10pm, 8/23/14

"I feel like an asshole doing that kind of shit, but, you know what? YOLO."

-A

"Good morning darling, would you like a nougat-like cookie for breakfast?"

-J said to S, 11:07am 8/23/14

"I'm everyone's favorite, I'm interested in everything and nothing all at once."

-E 12:25am 8/23/14

"Really? Ibuprofen eh? I need to add that to my alcoholic lexicon!"

-N 9:48pm 8/22/14

"If you're not making the world a better place, you should have been a blow job."

-M 7:27pm 8/10/2014

"Cats are not clothing!"

-R, 4:34pm 8/9/14

"Whoa, there are three pieces of bread in this sandwich; WHAT ARE PEOPLE DOING?!?"

-D, 12:27pm 8/6/14

"I've never retreated before, I don't know how it works..."

-S

8:52pm 8/5/14

I hear with my little ears...

...a child telling an extremely racist joke in the grocery store :/

...his parents just laughed and gave him the, "boys will be boys" nudge.

*sigh*